Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Fun with Illegal Substances!

So right off the bat, I just want to prefix this post by saying that I don't do drugs.  It's not that I'm against doing drugs, it's just that I've tried a few and painting my whole finger with nail polish instead of just the nail and kissing that chick whose league I was way out of was not something that I really enjoyed waking up thinking about.  Plus, everyone drug tests now and taping a baggie full of someone else's piss to your leg isn't my idea of a good time either.  I am a firm believer in doing what you want to do in your free time as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone around you, and as long as you don't bring it to work.  That being said, drugs (and some other things that aren't quite drugs) can make for some fun stories, and sometimes I'm fortunate enough to see the stupidity unfold in the workplace. So here we go.

When I worked fast food everyone used to smoke in the freezer.  (Actually a lot of shit went down in the freezer, but more on that later!)  Once the guys were being stupid about it and it set off the smoke alarm and they told everyone that someone burned a burger, but burgers don't generally smell like dank.

At Hollywood Video it seemed like everyone and their mom was using something.  One of my fellow managers ended up getting shipped out to a store in the hood when his store closed down, and when he got there on the first day his employees had hotboxed the back office. 

I had two employees at Hollywood Video that I caught using coke at work.  It was funny though, because I was so sheltered at the time that I had only accidentally found out and told my co-workers interesting things that I saw while they helped me piece it together.  "It's so weird.  Matt is always using the bathroom.  He goes back there like once an hour and he's always so jittery.  Do you think he has a bladder problem?"  One of the guys had a crack pipe in his pocket and got busted by my district manager and the other seriously came out of the bathroom with powder on his nose and had to take a drug test. Also, this one guy got drunk in the parking lot and came into work smelling like vodka and left the bottle right outside his car door. Some peoples' kids.

When I switched to the super female-friendly portrait business I figured that there would probably be a lot less of this, but nope.  As a manager I had to fire an associate for sleeping at work only to find that he was doing some kind of prescription medication that he was not prescribed before coming in for his shift.  I guess it took the edge off of dealing with all those horrible children.

I think my favorite was as a DM having to go in and fire a manager who was pretty much the worst manager I've ever seen ever.  She was fired for:

-Falsifying sales
-Stealing commission from her employees by telling them only the manager could use the register and ringing up their sales
-Hiring her friends
-Having sex in the back of the studio with employees from nearby retailers
-Smoking weed on her lunch break and smelling like it in front of customers
-Firing an employee on the spot (something you can't do in California)
-Coming to work out of dress code AND
-Trying to buy pee from a pregnant customer whose maternity pictures she was taking so that she could make her boyfriend marry her!

Sometimes retail is hardcore :P

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