Sunday, January 6, 2013

My Fave Excuses of 2012

Hey guys!  Sorry for such a long hiatus, but if you work retail, I'm sure you understand what an insane time of the year October through December can be.  Lots of cool stuff has been happening, including getting my first book published and finally getting my official webpage set up! ( in case you were wondering.)  But in the midst of all the cool writing stuff that I've been up to, a girl's still gotta earn a living and all kinds of interesting stuff happened over the last few months.  I can't wait to get you all caught up!  But for now, here's a list of my favorite excuses from this year.  Enjoy!

I can't come to work today because...

"I went to my babysitter's house and she slammed the door in my face because I started dating her ex-husband, so now I need a new babysitter."

"I was on my way to work and got stung by a bee in my car like twenty minutes ago and they had to take me to the ER and I got a shot and I would call you to tell you this, but my entire body has swollen up and I can't breathe.  I have a doctor's note... What do you mean you don't believe me?"  Bitch, you did NOT do all of that in twenty minutes.  And if you're so swollen how did you send me an essay of a text message?  Also, if you're allergic to bees, you usually keep medication around for that.  Grrrr.

"My car broke down."  Take the bus?  "I don't have any money."  Can a neighbor give you a ride?  "My neighbors hate me."  Okay, well, I have absolutely no coverage right now, so I will come and pick you up.  "I... Uh... *sigh*... Okay, fine..."  

I didn't show up today because...

"I got kidnapped last night, but I mean, I'm on my way now... Oh, well, I didn't want to press charges because it was my ex.  He just kind of drugged me and threw me in the back of his car and drove off, but I mean, really it wasn't that big of a deal.  He just gets a little crazy when he uses."  What???  Also, why is this the second time in two years I am hearing the kidnapping excuse??

"My neighbor's dog died underneath my car last night, but I didn't realize it and when I went to drive to work this morning I ran over the body and she's calling the cops on me because for some reason she thinks I did it."

"What do you mean?  I'm at work right now!"  Uh, I'm at your store right now and there's no one here... "Oh, well, I mean... What I mean is that I'm on my way to work right now..."

I need to go home early because...

"I started my period."  Okay, and?   "Well, you don't understand, Vindi.  I get my period really bad and I don't have any stuff with me, so it ruined my pants.  And I'm in a lot of pain right now."  Dude, I'm a chick too and it sucks.  You get your period once a month.  Be prepared with a tampon, or be prepared to be McGyver with what's available in the ladies room!

 "My family is having an emergency intervention for my sister and I have to be there."

This customer wants a refund because...

"She says that the world is going to end tomorrow and she doesn't need her pictures anymore, so she wants her money back."

"She says that her free picture didn't arrive on time."  Well what did she pay for?  "That's the thing!  She didn't spend any money and she is demanding a refund!"

"She says that I looked at her in a condescending manner so she should get a full refund and all of her product for free."

More stuff to come!  Welcome back "So Yeah" fans! :)

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