Sunday, January 6, 2013

Rollback that Proposal, Wal-Mart Shopper!

Okay, so over the holiday season I had to complete a temp assignment inside of a Wal-Mart.  I got to the store a little bit early, so the employees were still on their lunch breaks and there was this guy waiting in the lobby, just sitting in the chair, sweating bullets.  He was wearing a nice collared shirt that it looked like he had just purchased and I figured he might be there to take some business shots.

I asked him if he needed help and he tells me that he's just waiting for his girlfriend in the bathroom, which checked out because the store was inside Wal-Mart, right next to the restrooms.  So, I'm getting out all of my paperwork and reviewing things in the store when suddenly the dude's girlfriend comes out of the bathroom and he asks her to sit down with him in the lobby.  By this point he has started sweating through his shirt and he was like a twenty-something white boy, so he was really red on top of that.  He kinda looked a hot mess. 

The store I'm visiting is really small, so I am only like five feet away from them and can hear everything that they're saying.  I tried so hard to focus on my work, but it was pretty much impossible after I heard the girl ask why the guy was acting so strangely.  He clears his throat about five times and finally starts talking saying, "Girl, you know, this has been a crazy year for me and you have been there for me through it all, and I just love you so much..."   And when I started to realize what was going on it was basically too late for me to leave. I was trapped there.  I saw the expression on the girl's face and I could tell that this was not going to fair well. 

Finally he pulls out this little red jewelry box and says, "And because of all that, I'd like to ask you:  Will you marry me?"  Inside of Wal-Mart.  Next to the bathroom.  In front of a total stranger who is five feet away from you.

She just looks absolutely horrified and she blurts out, "Oh... Oh, um, no... No..."  And before she can say anything else he gets up out of the seat, starts crying and jets into the bathroom leaving me alone out there with the super embarrassed girlfriend.  I didn't know what to say and she didn't know what to say, so all I could do was just try and figure out something to do with my paperwork even though I had already finished it. 

Time passes and finally about five minutes later the guy comes out of the bathroom and I think to myself, Okay, we look composed.  We can get our shit together and leave.  You can salvage this train wreck, dude.  You've got this.  But no.

He drops down on both knees a few feet from her and crawls over to her on his knees and literally begs this girl.  "Please, baby!  Please let me be your husband!  I just want to make you happy!"

Just when she thought that this couldn't get any worse, right?  She yells at him in that angry whisper voice that you use when you're truly mortified by someone, "Get off the damn floor!"  And she drags him up into the seat next to her.  Just then, the employees of the store come back from lunch and the guy working comes up to them and tries to approach them while the tension is at its thickest.  "Hey there, are you guys here to take some engagement pictures?" he asks them since the guy still has the ring out.  The girl shoots her boyfriend a dirty look, he starts crying again and I drag the employee to the other end of the very small store and say, "Not now, dude!  Not now!"

Finally the girlfriend had enough and she just starts yelling at him. "Dammit, Gerald! 'The hell you think you're doing?  Get yo' ass up!  We gonna discuss this shit at the bus stop!"  And she gets all of her bags together and drags him out of the store by the arm.  The last thing I hear is, "In a fuckin' Wal-Mart... Out of yo' damn mind, in a fuckin' Wal-Mart..."

That was some super sad shit, but I can't say that I blame her!

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