I don't know why so many weird things happen to me in the bathroom at work, but they do. And most of the time it's awesomely bad!
- I'm sitting in a stall and all of a sudden this little boy comes into the bathroom with his mom. He had to be like five or six years old and he just starts peeping under all of the stall doors. There are a lot of stalls and he gets to me and I just cover up and laugh at him. A few seconds later I hear an old lady a few stalls over scream "How dare you! You vile, vile little child!" I couldn't see anything, but in my head I pictured her hitting him with a purse.
-I walk into the bathroom and there is a lady in the handicap stall talking in a soothing voice to a small child. "It's okay sweetie, you can do it! Come on! That's it!" And she goes on saying things like that pretty much the whole time I'm in there. Finally I hear the kid go pee and the lady is fucking ecstatic! As I'm washing my hands the lady comes out of the stall and there is no kid... She was making her cocker spaniel use the public restroom! Ack!
-When I first started working at 'Happy Time Portraits' I was not well liked because I got hired to replace someone that was getting demoted. And I didn't know it until I showed up to work there. And either did she. And it was really awkward. And then she stayed on to make my life a living hell. And this relates to the theme of this post because one time I was in a stall at the end of my lunch break when the demoted employee and her work friend come in the bathroom to fix their whore makeup. And they just stand there talking a whole lot of shit about me. And I want to say that I came out and was like "OH REALLY? Go eat a dick you skanky bitches!" But I didn't. I cried in silence until they left like a little bitch... Fun! :) (It's okay, the last one is funny, so you can smile again!)
-I had to go adjust my bra at work [Totally not relevant to the story, just thought I'd share!] so I ducked into the restroom and this lady walks in behind me and makes a mad dash to one of the stalls. Turns out the first stall that she tries is occupied and the lady who was in there didn't lock the door--and was apparently mid-poop. The poop lady gets up quickly to close the stall door and as she gets up, it, uh, happens and you hear it happen. The first lady still looking for an empty stall tries to close the door at the same time and shouts "Goddammit! Lock the door!" and Poop Lady shouts "Lesbian! Get your dirty kicks elsewhere!" And I am standing there wearing my name tag and this other lady looks at me and says "Aren't you going to do something about that?" I looked at her, I blinked and shook my head as I walked out the door. What the fuck are you supposed to do about that???