Favorite Hollywood Video Interviews

In the years that I was a manager at Hollywood Video, there were all kinds of crazy people that came through our doors looking for employment.  Most of the time we attracted college students and young adults whose parents told them that they had to get a job, but every now and then we would hit the psycho jackpot.  I swear these are all things that people have really said to me in actual interviews!  Here are some of my favorites :)

Why do you want to work for Hollywood Video?

"'Cause I need a job that's why!"  

"'Cause my mom says if I don't look for work she's going to throw away my Xbox."

"I don't really want to work here, it's more of a needing to work here situation and you are the only ones that called me."

"Well you get free movies, right?"

"My friend John [who we were replacing for stealing and who made it very clear that he stole stuff when he left] just got fired from here and I know I can do this shit better than he can."

"My ex-boyfriend works for this company and he says it's just great."  [In the most deadpan voice ever!  And then I call her ex-boyfriend who says she was a literal fucking stalker and lied about her mom dying to get him to come to her house! WTF!?  Did you think if you name drop we won't check up on that!?]

What are your best and worst qualities?

"Well, I am hella cool to have at a party and there ain't nothing wrong with me! Yeah!" [Then his mom asks why we didn't hire him and calls me racist... /facepalm]

"I think it's really important to pretend to be polite, so I'm always very polite."

"I think my best qualities are that I'm hardworking and I never stop.  And my worst qualities are that I'm hardworking and I never stop."  [Really?]

What can you tell me about yourself that's not on your application?

"My mother gave me these pearls that I'm wearing.  I never take them off.  And I mean, never, if I have to get fired for violating dress code, I would because they never come off. Hahaha!"  [So creepy!]

"Well, my dad is really sick right now and I am the only one who can take care of him.  I mean he could probably be alone for like an hour, but I will have to go home like at least once an hour.  That's okay, right?"

"I am a proud, proud mother of four beautiful children!  They are all waiting for me in the car right now.  They are my world and I love them to pieces, but sometimes Mama's gotta get out the house!"  [And when the interview is over I look where she parked and there are four fucking dogs in the backseat of this minivan covered in dog stickers.  Holy crap!]

What the hell are you wearing??

Pigtails, rolled-up capri jeans and a collared shirt tied in a knot in the front exposing the middrift with sunglasses on her head and a lollipop.  She looked like a reject from a Brittney Spears video.

Black and red corset that had her cleavage spilling over the top of it, bright red lipstick, bright blue eyeshadow and stilletos.  Did she think a man was going to be doing the interview?

Full business suit and tie, polished leather shoes and a briefcase.  Way over the top for a video store.  But the interview actually went really well and I hired him.  Just thought it was funny.

You have to love movies to work here!  What kind of movies do you like?

"Oh my God!  I just absolutely love movies about powerful women!  Have you ever seen Glitter?"

"I really like comedies. And Schindler's List was just so good.  I mean, not like that-- I mean it's good but it wasn't very funny.  I mean-- Can we start over on that question?"  [And he was so serious!  He was nervous the whole interview and I was just dying inside!]

"I don't know.  What kind of movies do you like? [Response]  Oh yeah, I love that kind of movie.  Those are great."

We also carry lots of video games?  What kind of games do you like to play?

"I'm really into RPGs, FPSs, RTSs and S&M.  See what I did there with that?"  [Why yes, yes I do.  I see you talking yourself out of a job. But seriously, it was crazy funny and I laughed afterwards.  Too bad he was a walking sexual harassment case.]

We are in the middle of an interview! What the hell are you doing!?

Eating your pen.  Yum.

Looking down your shirt for half the interview.  Seriously?

Sweating profusely.

Farting like every two minutes or so.  That was so hard not to laugh!

Tapping your feet and hands and showing me how crazy hard it is for you to be in a room with me and I make you that nervous.

Being a dude sexting with another dude and not paying attention to my questions because you're so confident that you got the job and then leaving the phone out on the desk so I can see it all while you go leave to use the bathroom midway through the interview.  

So why should I hire you?

"Because, really, I'm just an overall good person."  [Who just finished a stint in jail for domestic abuse.]

"Because I'm just that awesome, haha...  But seriously, I am pretty awesome and you should hire me."

"Why should you hire me?  Well, um, you should hire me because... You should hire me because... Um... You should hire me because I can really think fast and I'm good at talking to people and stuff."  [I didn't realize the interview had turned into the Short Bus Spelling Bee...]

"You should hire me because I am a hard worker, a fast learner and clearly the best choice for the job.  But that guy that has been staring at me through the window the whole time and the other guy who kept trying to touch my hand when I was waiting are creeping me the hell out.  Sorry."  [I didn't see any of that and neither did the security camera!  She wasn't even that hot! That was a major case of WTF just happened?] 

So those were my faves from this job. I thought those were the best I'd ever see.  But I was sadly mistaken!