Oh yeah, I went there with that title!
So like I said in my intro, some of my favorite retail stories are not things that happened to me, but things that happened to people I know. When my middle sister was working at Hollywood Video [because yes, I got her a job at a nearby store] she was working in the fuckin' hood. Straight up, no doubt. It was in a part of this particular town that the locals all called "Little Mexico" and although, yes, there were a lot of Hispanic people living there, there were other fun things like drug dealers and prostitutes that used to hang out in the parking lot of the store. And they all liked to offer their many services to the employees there.
And though that adds a colorful background for this one, it isn't totally relevant to the story.
My sister came in to start her shift at the end of the afternoon and asked her fellow shift lead how the day was going and this is what she said:
"Oh my God! The dumbest thing just happened! There was me and this guy and his kid in the store and all of a sudden he comes up to the front and asks me if I have any paper towels to clean up a mess. I tell him that I did and he asked me if I could clean it up. So I was like 'Hell, no' and handed this guy a roll of paper towels. I thought that he had like spilled his soda or something like that, but it was taking him a long-ass time to clean that shit up, so I went to the Kid's section and this fuckin' guy is sitting there trying to clean crap up off the floor! Like, literally, crap! And he is doing a hella bad job with it and he is like smearing it on the floor and I was just so disgusted with him that I told him to take his kid and just fuckin' leave! It smelled hella bad and was just a hot fuckin' mess! So he leaves and comes back all offended and says that he wants to talk to the manager and I tell him that I am the manager right now. And this dumbass asks me 'Well is this normally how you treat a customer in this situation?' and I tell him straight up 'Well, I dunno. I've never had anyone shit on mah damn floor before!' And he finally left for good. Carpet cleaners should be here tomorrow morning. Dumbass."
So of course my sister had to call me and tell me what happened and this has become just the quintessential answer to any stupid question that is asked in any of our conversations with one another.
"So what do I do with it now?"
"Well I dunno! I've never had anyone shit on mah damn floor before!"
Good times.
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